So we beat Blackburn 3-0. But if you’re looking for a sensible report of what happened then stop right here and go to the Argus or the Official Site. Despite the game being at home – our only home game in November – I wasn’t there. And therefore I’m claiming credit for the result.
Saturday morning normally brings excitement and a swimming lesson to the Brighton But Only At Home household but yesterday, for me anyway, it brought the trots. The Aztec Two Step. The Two Bobs. The only thing worse than soiling yourself in an enormous Amex toilet queue would be soiling yourself on a really busy train full of football fans. I couldn’t have felt less like pie and beer if I’d tried. So I missed it.
On the face of it, had I gone then the score would have been exactly the same. I jest would have seen two things that have recently been rarer than I like my steak; a penalty for us and goals by Ashley Barnes. However if you believe chaos theory then I had as much to do with the win as the aforementioned number nine.
In theory I could have changed things in any number of ways. For example I could have taken the spot in the beer queue that got me the last Harvey’s before the barrel went. This would so have enraged the man behind me that he went beserk on the barman, causing stewards to be summoned from inside the ground. Ashley Barnes, warming up, could suddenly have missed a shot due to a moving mass of hi viz behind the warm up goal and this would have completly shot his confidence for the game.
Or I could have had so much beer that, when I emerged in to the WSU I headed not for my seat but the front where I shouted a “special greeting” to Andy D’Urso that he heard, including a warning to stay off my blog. This would have so outraged him that he gave every decision to Blackburn.
Or perhaps I would have got the last place on the last train to Falmer ahead of someone who was so important that the kick off time had to be put back to allow them to attend from the start.
So, when you’re reflecting in the glow of a 3-0 home win with a Barnes double, know that you owe it to me and my unreliable intestines. You know it makes sense.