It was all going so well pre-game. The sun was shining, the legs were out no matter what the restraining order says and my friends were all in The Swan. A couple of pints of Palmers later I went in to the ground and Scoffers arrived from the Burgess Hill Seagulls Express just as I got in the refreshment queue. After that though it all went wrong.
Once again we take the lead with a well taken goal. Once again we squander the lead before going behind to a couple of defensive howlers (Kuszczak appears to actually be Ankergren in a Kuszczak suit). Once again we squander decent chances. Once again we lose. Post game I get stuck in the world’s largest, slowest beer queue and end up going home in a sulk. But enough about me. I’m quite excited to say that this week I have a guest blogger to help me write the post. So without further ado here he is. Take it away Andy.
“Hi guys. I’m Andy but you can call me Mr D’Urso or “The D’Urso”. The D’Urso has noticed an alarming recent trend for footballers once again becoming more famous than referees. This is something The D’Urso intends to change. This Saturday I started implementing my plans. To start off with I think that there is far too much emphasis placed on handball these days. It’s a silly rule. You can use any other part of your body to control the ball so why not your hands? The D’Urso started to subtly make this change on Saturday and I’m pleased to say it went down well with many of the fans shouting their appreciation. Eventually The D’Urso can see the game changing so that you can pick the ball up and run with it. Of course this makes tacking harder so The D’Urso would then allow tackling by grabbing the legs of the opponent. In cases of disputed possession both teams could form a huddle and try to push each other over it while, when it went out of touch, the game could be restarted by throwing the ball straight between two lines of players. I like to think of this new game as D’Urso ball.
Also, for a referee to be really famous he needs to hand out yellow cards. Lots of yellow cards, preferably in a match that isn’t that dirty and for totally random reasons. The D’Urso will soon become super famous as the D’Urso is very good at this indeed. Add in a few obviously incorrect decisions and the tendency to go off the pitch two minutes after the players to soak up the applause and I’m sure you can see that once again the likes of Wayne Rooney and Gareth Bale will soon be well behind the likes of The D’Urso when it comes to tabloid headlines and showing Hello magazine your new cushions.”
The D’Urso there. What a guy.